Redhead Ramblings: Oh God, have I worked my life away?

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a dedicated worker. I devote a great amount of time and energy to schoolwork, my work at The Reporter and studying. I religiously use my planner and rely on a steady stream of caffeine to get me through my days. It’s almost reached the point where if I don’t do something productive, my mind doesn’t know what to do with itself. 

Over the summer, my friends and I were talking about our upcoming senior years of college and I told them I hadn’t really had that “college experience” everyone talks about. Had I not joined enough clubs? No. Had wild nights out on the party scene? Wasn’t that. No time on the dating scene? Yes, but also no. Then it hit me.

Oh God, had I wasted my college years, the years everyone says are some of the best, by working away?

I thought back to the last few years I’ve been in college. My course load wasn’t too heavy my freshman year; my Snapchat memories were filled with game nights in the dorms, bowling at the Bullpen in the middle of the week and attending several hockey games. It was sometime over the summer — and when I got my 18-credit course load in the fall of my sophomore year — things changed. I still have a fun amount of memories of hanging out with my friends, but most of those times were followed after my saying “We can hang out, but I just have to get this stuff done for school first.”

Growing up, my parents never said we couldn’t hang out with friends until our school work was complete. They just encouraged my brother and I to get our homework done sooner rather than later so we wouldn’t have to worry about it. However, I only heard the former. With classes that required a lot of reading and writing papers, it was hard to devote time away from my studies to be with my friends when I knew I didn’t want to fail or fall behind. 

This wasn’t just a thought buried in my subconscious, waiting to be discovered. I’ve been told by several people to step away from my schoolwork for a bit. My mom, my friends, my therapist. Even last summer, my boss at my internship practically forced me to go to a concert with my friend (and former boss) Julia after hearing about how hard I’ve been working. Instead of taking their encouragement to heart, I was taking it with a grain of salt. 

I had a minor breakthrough earlier this year when the 2023-24 editorial team went out to eat to celebrate the end of the year and when other editors wanted to keep the party going by heading downtown, I was like “screw it, I’m already out of the house, why make them drive me back home?” and it was one of my favorite nights of last school year. 

My real epiphany came when I was sitting in my apartment a few weeks ago by myself while all my other friends were out of town with other plans. It was the rare occasion I didn’t have loads of work to finish. As I lay on the couch, doom-scrolling, it occurred to me I shouldn’t have waited until I was finished with everything to have gone out and had fun. All my friends had jobs and schoolwork of their own and still managed to have fun. I decided if there wasn’t a pressing deadline for an assignment, if someone asked me to hang out or do something, I’d say yes. 

Now, with the first few weeks of school behind me, I can say I’m finally feeling like I’m having the college experience. I know I can’t take back the times I said “no” and missed fun times with my friends and coworkers. I prioritized assignments I can’t even remember for could-have-been memories I would have remembered. Since I’ve started setting more time aside for myself, I’ve been hanging out with friends, getting back into hobbies I enjoy and I even took a four-day vacation up to Duluth to visit one of my best friends who’s getting married next year. While school is important to me, it doesn’t control my life from here on out.

Caption: After the last few years of dedicating time to schoolwork, I’m finally saying yes to spending more time away from it. (Courtesy Emma Johnson)

Write to emma.johnson.5@mnsu.edu