Redhead Ramblings: We’re supposed to change
While middle school and high school have been burned into my brain through awkward memories, there isn’t much physical evidence left to prove it. Only a small portion of photos from sixth grade to my junior year of high school exist (another reason I’m glad my parents didn’t allow me to have social media when I was younger). When I do come across those photos or my friends send me photos I forgot about, I internally shrivel up and question why I was ever allowed to leave the house.
At the same time, I’m glad that’s my reaction to seeing how I used to be. We are supposed to constantly change and evolve into the person we want to become. I certainly wouldn’t wear those glittery and tacky T-shirts I used to wear from Justice anymore. I’d rather learn to cook a gourmet dinner than attempt to do a trendy dance or lip sync video I saw on TikTok. More importantly, I wouldn’t act like I used to, overexaggerating everything to make me seem a lot cooler than I actually was.
I think it’s one of the reasons we struggle with growing up. We go through the different phases of what makes us “us” without a blueprint or formula guiding us. What works for others may not work for us. Certain parts of my personality have stayed consistent over the years (reading, writing, spending time with my friends) and others have changed (the nerdy iPhone games I used to play and thinking I could make it big on YouTube by posting videos). I’ve recognized the parts of myself I’ve needed to work on and taken the steps I needed to get to where I want to be.
The hard part about changing is realizing others might be stuck in their ways. Unfortunately, some of my friendships have grown apart. Some of these “friendship breakups” stem from not having as much in common anymore and others I’ve had to make the active decision to grow apart due to my morals and lifestyles not matching theirs. It’s hard to make that conscious decision, especially when growing up we were close. However, as I’ve turned into the person I wanted to become, it was hurting me more than benefiting me. It takes a lot of effort to realize shortcomings and put in the work to change your life for the better, but it’s worth it, no matter the days you think nothing is working.
So, how have I changed to get to where I am today? I don’t care as much about what others think about me. Like I said earlier, I used to over exaggerate everything, feeling like I was the main character in other people’s movies instead of my own. Now, I live my life how I want to instead of trying to gain validation from others. On the topic of validation, in the early days I had social media, I was hoping for likes and comments to validate my self worth. I’m now in a place where I can hype myself up and not have to rely on others to say I’m successful or pretty. Most recently, the mental health struggles I have gone through over the last year and a half have given me tools to cope when times get tough, along with proving to myself I can get through hard times.
It’s gone beyond the thoughts and mindset I’ve done work on. I’ve surrounded myself with healthy friendships where there’s nothing but support and happiness. I’ve become healthier as I’ve focused on making healthy meals for myself and by incorporating yoga and working out into my daily routine. There are certain components of my life I’m still working on (finding a better work-life balance, prioritizing certain responsibilities) I know there’s no deadline for when I need to make these happen, letting me go at my pace.
The biggest thing I’ve had to learn, as an anxious person, is how change can be good for us. I’ve always had the mentality that change was a bad thing and it’s taken me a while to adapt to new changes. While I can’t control the changes around me, I can control the changes of how I see and grow to challenges around me.
Caption: I really thought I was “all that” in middle school (left), but now I’m happy with where I’m at in my life (Courtesy Emma Johnson).
Write to Emma.johnson.5@mnsu.edu